When a child trips and falls, it is the pleasure of the father to help his child back on his/her feet. As the child again falls, tears flow freely; not from pain, but from frustration at falling again. The father once again reached a hand out to pick up the child, to the fathers delight. There does come a day where the child is able to fall, stand up, and tell the father, with great pride, they were able to stand tall on their own. At this point, I imagine the pleasure the father felt while helping the child would naturally transition to pride that the child is able to stay on its feet and recover from those terrible falls.
This thought hit me while thinking about the relationship we maintain with our Heavenly Father. Does the Creator enjoy picking up the created when they make mistakes? Scriptures tell us the Father is happy to help the children. And yet, I begin to wonder if there’s a missing part of God that I miss out on, because I am always running to prayer with S.O.S. messages rather than successful progress reports.
This blog ought to be a welcome sigh of relief, in that the message is fairly positive. What’s ironic is that my previously written blogs, which had more of a sour taste to their contents, were written at a time where I had very little to complain about. The tables have turned, and I’m not facing several very difficult situations and yet I cannot find it in me to be bitter or complain.
In my mind, I am trying to approach these difficulties with the mindset of a warrior. And yet I cannot help but feel that I’m somehow not living like one, because I’m full of stress and worry, though I know these situations will find quick resolution. My life has an amazing way of falling together in the midst of my stress and frustrations. That’s part of what makes this difficulty so much more antagonizing; I know things will turn out well and have even made a conscious effort to stay strong and focused on the solutions, rather than the problems, during this time.
In my heart, I long to be able to pick myself up and present myself to G-d, showing that His son is capable of fighting as a warrior. And yet, am not sure if I’m there quite yet. My desire to stand tall, mixed with my doubting of my ability to do so, is a tell-tale sign that I’m capable of doing it if I truly set my mind to it.
To be quite honest, I will say that I don’t even know how to pray at this time. I fully believe we are able to solve our problems on our own, and that it’s our job to do so. However, even King David wrote about the LORD being his salvation in the cleft of a rock.
While going hiking this afternoon, I saw a ‘cleft’ in a rock. Atop the peak of “Eagles Rock” in California, there was a small enclosure that was protected from the elements and carved into the top of the rock. It looked like a small cave, actually. When I saw that, I immediately saw shelter, protection, security, and comfort. And yet, this small cave was at the very top of a rock that was hanging hundreds of feet in the air over certain death, where one to be so unfortunate as to fall off the rock.
Seeing that hole in the rock, I began to understand something very different about God than I ever have; our faith doesn’t provide us with security, comfort, and cushy pillows at the base of the mountain where danger is improbable. Rather, faith provides us with the reassurance that we are in good Hands when we arch the point where we are in the zone of danger and risk. Rather than provoking one to stay in the safety of the foot of the mountain, this cleft of the rock entices us to get out of our comfort zone; inching towards the point of death so that we can discover this ‘dangerous comfort zone’ many will never understand or enjoy.
I feel that’s where my life is at right now; I took a big leap to move to California without a job, car, or even solid housing (as I’m founding out right now). In the past, I’ve asked for the “opportunity to fail” if it meant being granted permission to move ahead with a project. And now, I feel that there is certainly opportunity to fail. Because of this, I have a tremendous amount of peace, served cold with a side of uncertainty.
When I asked for a lion to kill, I didn’t want a baby cub that I could step on. I wanted a 500lb beast that could tear me apart, limb from limb, and challenge every cell in my body.
Prayer answered. Time to grab this lion by the mane and fight for my life. Glory awaits, warrior. Reach for it!
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