Within the heart of every man is the desire to prove himself to be the great warrior he internally envisions himself to be. The tragedy is that men are no longer able to express or fully realize this inner desire/fantasy within their spirit. In a culture where great battles are fought, not with swords, but with pens and legal pads, the inner cry of the modern warrior is often lost within the noise of his morning commute traffic. That inner cry, desperately longing for a great victory on the battlefield, wishes it could prove itself in forms of great victory in efforts of protecting his family, values, and possessions. Inner instinct tells us that we were created for victorious living with this brute strength in our bones.
And yet, here we are. As we lack the ability to both discover and express our inner testosterone-driven spirit, we simply slip into lives of docility. The worst part about being unable to discover this inner warrior is that we are forced to live with ourselves until we die a normal death. Allow me to explain; the warrior of the olden days was able to quickly discover his mettle; victory or death. There was no substitute. Tennis matches have replaced grueling battles. Legal debates have replaced the duel. Nine to five has replaced the battlefield. White picket fences have replaced the inner desire to protect family. We no longer live in danger. And yet, when one desires to discover this inner warrior, so desperately longing to come out, he is unable to do so.
It is a grueling way to live when you are unable to discover just what it is that you were destined to do. Eternal fear envelops me that I will somehow miss my true calling by being forcibly overtaken by my own human weaknesses. Mental. Spiritual. Intellect. Academic. Professional. Physical. These scream at the inner warrior and tell him that he will never be good enough.
In this moment, I desperately long for the moment where I can feel as if I am living in a great moment of victory, rather than swamped with the muck of a cluttered mind, pained by an injured body, and mentally exhausted only to come short, once again.
LORD, if this is the humility that must come before finding true satisfaction in You, crush me with devastating force.
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