“Raised on MTV…raised on you and me…”
Many young men face an unknown enemy they feel the need to strike out and attack. Blindly, they swing and attempt to destroy this unseen force. Realizing this invisible enemy is an asset instead of an enemy is one of the maturing steps a young man reaches as he becomes a man – should that day ever occur.
Last night, I encountered a situation while out on a date at a local restaurant. To call it a ‘date’ wouldn’t do the word justice, as it was a very casual spot. However, it’s a local favorite and the times are always entertaining. Date.
After excusing myself to use the restroom, I waited at the door for the current bathroom occupant to vacate. As soon as the door opened, I noticed a crumpled paper towel falling to the ground; the young man, sporting a mohawk, had carelessly dropped the paper towel right in the middle of the floor. After doing my business, washing my hands, and throwing away my paper towel, I picked up the towel he had discarded on the floor, walked out to the restaurant and dropped it on his lap at his table.
“Pick up your paper towels next time.”
Walk away.
Five steps later…
“HEY! What do you think you’re doing?”
After a brief exchange and an outstretched hand (from me) I walked back to our table. Minutes later, the young man walked outside and seemed poised, tense, and full of energy.
“I was on a date. I want an apology.” in more words or less.
Long story made short, we ended things in pleasantry and I picked up the tab for his date. However, it was that moment outside that stood out to me more than anything.
The invisible enemy. Young men so blindly lash out and try to strike this target that won’t be struck.
On a date. Seeking affirmation. Affirmation from his date that he’s a worthy young man who is willing to stand up for his pride – though he was clearly in the wrong – but also affirmation from himself that he is man enough to stand up from his date and yell out “HEY!….”
See, in that split second where he had to decide whether or not he was going to stand up and make a scene or let it pass by and laugh about the situation, explaining to his date that he had made a mistake that wouldn’t happen again (a gentleman would have done so) there was an exchange in his mind that came from the unseen enemy.
You screwed up. You’re embarrassed. Are you man enough to say something? Will your date think less of you? Will she go out with you again? Are you getting laid tonight? Don’t you have guts? Are you scared?
This voice inside of a young man’s head occurs constantly. It causes us to act out and rebel, proving to the world – when in reality, it is just proving to ourselves – that we are man enough.
For what?
Man enough to be respected? Provide for a family? Be feared? Honored? Treated properly? Affirmed?
Oftentimes, this invisible enemy appears most in young men who have not received the type of affirmation and support they need while as a young child, from a father figure/man in their life.
They need somebody to tell them they’re a champ, unconquerable, strong, confident, capable, helpful…
Few things affirmed me more in my childhood than when my father asked me to help him in the garage. I wore that motor oil like it was the eye black from the star quarterback of the winning NFL superbowl team.
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As young men get older, the desire for this affirmation doesn’t go away. Instead, it continues to grow, unmet, at a rapid pace of desperation where countless paths are run down in order to try and find this affirmation. Whether its at the bottom of a bottle, altar of a church, or between droves of casual encounters, the desire for affirmation grows stronger.
Thus, the unseen enemy from last night presented itself right in front of my eyes. Rather than see an adversary, I saw that Isaac (I think that was his name) hadn’t yet found the affirmation and confidence he was seeking as a man.
While I picked up his tab, initially thinking it to be the classy move that would appear to give me the last laugh, I realized that Isaac is just another guy out there looking to figure out who he is and uncover the hidden potential he has within him that will make him shine out as a good man that will someday teach his children how to be a superhero to their children and spouse.
Next blog: how this unseen enemy manifests itself in relationships, where young men try to defeat this hidden enemy through relationships and male/female interaction.
Featured image from Deviantart
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