Becoming

As an adult, I run into a lot of people who have little to no recollection of their young childhood years. It seems like most people start to recollect life beginning from the age of preschool.

That wasn’t the case with me. Some of my memories go back to the point where I was just two years old, or younger.

As a result, I often look back at younger memories and filter them through my now adult mind. I start to see a lot of things differently about my childhood, and grow to appreciate it more with each passing day.

Ever since becoming a parent, I’ve paid special attention to other parents. Some simply seem to ‘get it’ and show up as incredible caretakers for their children. Others don’t, and it shows on the wear and tear the display as parents.

See, when I book a transatlantic flight, I book my ticket with confidence that both the captain and their co-pilot will get me to my destination safely.

I’d be really concerned if midway through my flight, I saw the pilot kick their copilot out of the cockpit. I’d get even more nervous if that same pilot rushed off to take a nap in the middle of the flight because they felt they weren’t getting enough ‘me time’ during the journey, all while keeping the copilot locked out of the cockpit, mind you…

I share this example because this situation often occurs in parenting, especially in single-parent households.

I didn’t have much of a ramp-up period in the way of becoming a parent. After establishing questionable paternity with Atlas, I returned to the United States and immediately began caring for him with a schedule that didn’t change until only a few weeks ago.

Nearly two years passed as I took on the responsibility of being a single Dad, rebuilding my life, business, home and sanity.

In two years, I’ve had the opportunity to grow with every step I’ve taken, and the result has been noticeable with Atlas.

While he’s under my care, Atlas is well-behaved, obedient and structured. He respects me because I don’t just order him around – I step in to participate as his Dad and lead an example that he can follow.

I’ve met a lot of Dads that seem unnecessarily hard on their children. It’s as if they’re trying to compensate for their own recognition of their own shortcomings and feel that screaming at their son will somehow make them a better person than the person they turned out to be.

That doesn’t work.

Going back to childhood memory, most people will never remember what you said – they will remember how you said it and most importantly, how it made them feel.

It breaks my heart when I see a parent being short-tempered with their child. The kid doesn’t deserve to be a whipping boy for the parents own failures. However, that’s oftentimes the case, and it’s the reason that many people never fully actualize as adults – because they weren’t given the opportunity to be a child.

There are a lot of difficult parts about being a parent. However, I think the greatest gift that life can give you is the opportunity to be one.

This afternoon, I was thinking about the type of example I want to set for Atlas, and I stopped to recognize that the example I set for him goes far beyond the time I spend with him; even when we aren’t together, there are things I can do to show him love, care and affection. From taking care of my body to working hard to build a business I can rely on, every second counts.